There's a lot going on in my family right now. Most hugely, a new generation is about to begin. I have waited for this for a while now. My children are, well, not babies anymore and I truly miss the little guys that used to live here. No one tells you how much you miss them. I love the big kids that they've become, probably more than the babies they were, but knowing that the babies will never be back is very sad. So, I look for some new babies.

I suspect that 2010 is going to be a transitional year and I look forward to the changes it's going to bring. I long to grow things and create things and not waste all of my time on this electronic leg warmer. My plan for the coming year is to celebrate the solstices. I feel really bad that I didn't celebrate the winter solstice. I noticed it and I quietly gave thanks for longer days to come. Next year, I'm drinking a brandy with some friends. (That sounds good but I'll probably really drink wine or Bailey's.)

Okay, I've been among the missing but since no one is reading this blog it doesn't matter. I've been tossing around the idea that I should be a Luddite. I love this term. The first thing to do is get rid of the TV and the computer. Will I have to take a bike to work? Is a bike considered technology? What date is the cutoff date for Luddites? I mean if it's in the 80's I can keep the TV and just get rid of the cell phone and the computer. If it's in the 20's I have to lose the car. [I realize the real Luddites were a while ago, but I think there's a modern movement, so there should be some kind of modern definition...or...do we hate all machinery?]

Can you imagine? I work in technology. My employer might freak if I decide not to use e-mail anymore. How would that work out? Somehow I think I'd be job hunting, which would be really hard without careerbuilder.com or monster.

No, I think people who claim to be Luddites probably typed their article on their laptop. Just like me. (or, heaven forbid, their Blackberries)

What is going on this year??? I think I'm going to do all this stuff during my one week of vacation and what did I do? I pretty much took a lot of naps. My last three weeks before vacation were pretty much pure hell (I say this as an excuse). Today, finally on my way home, I visited Peter Pots Pottery. This was pretty cool. I bought a pitcher. This place is hidden in the woods of RI. There was a water wheel! It was an old stone and wood barn kind of place next to a brook. I think its been there forever, but this was my first visit. Their stuff is lovely and made right there. Do a google search. They have a website.

Other notable things from vacation...I walked on the beach 5 days out of 6; once with Brian, once with Joseph, and once with Mike. I found tons of sea glass and I finally used some resolve on that rug from my mother. These are my only accomplishments. I read a book "Run" by Ann Patchett. She's one of my favorites and this book was good. Just the right size, too. We had rootbeer floats at Iggy's and also fried clams (very very good). Brian and I checked out the bluebird cafe for lunch one day. This was very good. We also had a fancy lunch in Wakefield (not as good). Two visits to Brickleys and one to the candy store at the Pier shops. This morning we stopped for sweets and cold drinks at Sweet Cakes (a favorite). All in all it was a good week. [Apparently we ate a lot]

The things I meant to do and didn't: we forgot to go to Block Island and we also forgot about Roger Williams Park. We never went to Newport. Unbelievably we never went to the Spain or The Coastguard House. Also, we used to always get our first beer at Arturo Joes. What happened to that??? I think their fire through us off.

So I've been reading the Barbara Kingsolver book about eating local foods. I'd love to try it but alas, my garden is basically 8 tomato plants surrounded by thousands of weeds. So I've been researching where all the grass fed beef is in CT and also where to find the local farmer's markets. There's a farm stand on my way home from work, but that's only going to carry me until the pumpkins are gone. I don't think I have time for any canning.

Well, I'll try to be a better person. Maybe I can buy a few of my dinners at Whole Foods (and starve the rest of the week). There's a farm in Canton that raises grass fed beef. The website wasn't clear if I could just show up there an buy a steak. Somehow I doubt it. I don't know how to deal with 1/2 a cow.

Tonight we have fireworks! Hooray. Let us all put on long pants and socks and traipse through the poison ivy to watch.

I know, I haven't been doing this. I think I'll start again. It's the fourth of July so that's always fun. Yesterday I had a funeral. Actually it was my Godfather. What I noticed about funerals is that the most tears are shed by the sandwich generation. Everyone cries, this is true, but the sandwich generation just leaks uncontrollably. I know the reasons for this. We are the generation that is faced with losing our loved ones the most. Also, we are the generation that previously was impervious to such loss (most of us). The shock of finding ourselves in the unhappiness of death and the shape of our lives, hugely busy and responsible, we all just break down. The younger generation is sad, true, but they have a buffer generation between death and themselves. The older generation has been seeing loss for many years. This isn't to say that it gets easier but maybe they are all cried out.

My other observation is that family is a funny thing. I find warmth in seeing people that I've known my entire life. I'm lucky in that my families are huge but loyal. I have around 50 cousins all tallied and when there's a death I see close to all of them. This is unbelievable to me. Also, even though we aren't all close, it's huge that everyone comes together for the short time that life has to stop for death.

This is my mondrian period (ha)

Total accident last spring - dogwood tree near home

Fun w/ hand coloring - well - photoshop

I wish I could just delete that last one. Who am I kidding, I can't even make my bed every morning (ever). I did do a few nice things and I tried to get our money in order. I will say something, though, every time I found a nice low interest rate it would change just when I'd contact the bank. Soooo, when I failed at that thing I kind of lost my motivation. Typical. This is where the slacker thing comes into play. So then I was thinking I'd write a book. The book is about losing weight for free. I've started it but now, two weeks in, I haven't lost any weight. So today I'm stuffing myself with carbs and feeling sorry for myself. [Not really]

I'm hoping with age comes wisdom. Enough wisdom to stop trying all this stupid stuff. Today I answered a craigslist ad for a wedding photographer. I even uploaded a website page to link in. What am I thinking? I never tire of these little ideas that go nowhere. Well, we'll see. I did kind of trick myself into going back to work. Maybe I can trick myself into starting a business and writing a book. Hmmm.

52 Permanent Changes

Okay, I'm going to bite the bullet here. I'm going to use this blog to track the next year of my life as measured in "permanent changes." My goal is to enact 52 permanent changes to my life in the coming year. Not so much becasuse I'm unhappy, more because I want to jump into life and line things up the way I want them to be. That's not to say my changes will be huge. Most will be in the neigborhood of home maintenance (a fifteen year old house that still has contractor's paint walls in many rooms could use a new year's resolution).

So for the nitty gritty. Last week I painted a room in the basement. Total cost of my renovation is in the neighorhood of $75. I'll post a picture later today (my camera's in the car). This week my change goes more to the financial. This week I'm realigning some finances. the specific things I'm doing includes setting up direct deposit for my kid's college education, moving the kid's savings account to a bank that will actually pay them some small amount of interest, and applying to re-fi the mortgage. I've already done one of these and I plan to do the other two on Monday. The rates are really low...

I think the recession is an opportunity to pull back and maybe get a couple of bargains. Also, I better re-finance now while we're both still employed. As for my "do something nice" resolution...all I'll say is so far so good.

bye

Here's what I'm thinking...when there's a snow day maybe all the teachers (and other school related employees) could go to the student's houses and babysit so the rest of us can go to work.

Or...maybe the weathermen should do this. Maybe then they wouldn't be so dramatic about the forecast.

I love being home with my kids, it's my employer that's not too wild about it.

That said, what I really want to write about today is New Year's resolutions. Ah...everyone says they don't have any or they aren't making them this year, but inside their brains they're thinking, "I'm going to try to lose a few pounds." I think everyone thinks this (or some version of it). Personally, I know I do. I don't say it out loud, though, because I also plan in my mind to fail. So what kind of a weird tradition is this?

I was going to write in this thing that I want to do 52 permanent changes this year. And to prove I was serious, last Sunday I painted my basement. Now I'm thinking just one permanent change is pretty good. Hey, last week my basement was a dirty white. Maybe I'll tell you all about my second permanent change next time I post. Oh yeah, I also plan to do one nice thing for someone else each week. On this resolution I will not speak. If you tell everyone you did something nice it doesn't really count. Those will be a secret but I'll let you know if I slack off.

Bye.